Dear Crabby’s No-Nonsense Guide to a Successful Year in College

Happy September, Greyhound Family! It warms the cockles of my shriveled little heart to see you all back on campus. It’s going to be a good year. You may be asking yourself, “What can I do to make this a great year?” Read on, Dear Greyhounds. Your dear Auntie Crabby has you covered in this handy Q&A.

Q: Dear Crabby, I find that 8 a.m., and sometimes, depending on my social life, 9-10 a.m. is just too early for classes. Is it actually completely necessary for me to show up to my early classes?

A: That depends. Do you want to pass? Then, yes, you should probably show up to your classes … all of them. On time. You also have to stay awake for, gasp, the whole thing! Snoring distracts other students, and it’s pretty likely that in this day and age, someone will want to wake you up in a hilarious fashion and post it on YouTube. Stay alert, My Friends.

Q: Hey, Crabby - I emailed my professor to ask him a question about a due date, and he asked me if I’ve read the syllabus. Why won’t he just answer my question?

A: The syllabus, that all-important outline of your entire class? … already answered your question. Your professor has kindly referred you to the document that will guide you through the class. Read it. Seriously. It’s important.

Be sure to NOT start an email to your professor with “Hey.” You can Google how to write an acceptable email (isn’t technology great?). If your first inclination is to email the professor in the same style that you’d email a friend, try again. An example of what not to do: “Hey! RU having class 2day?”

Q: Dear Crabby, there’s nothing to do here in Portales. I’m bored.

A: That’s not a question, but I’ll answer you anyway. Look around!! There are ASAB events everywhere you turn! There are fine arts events. Plays, concerts, movie nights, karaoke … you’re only bored, because you choose to be uninvolved. There are so many diverse student clubs … pick one! Become a part of the community. Sitting on your butt playing video games will not enhance your educational experience. You know what will? Getting involved. There’s a chess club, English club, art communities, student radio, student government, opportunities for LGBTQA + activism and so much more. Get up and get engaged. You are a part of the Greyhound community. Embrace the experience.

Q: Dear Crabby, what’s the best advice you can give for this school year?

A: The best advice I can give is actually not mine at all, but from a very wise paper salesman:

“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute

Essentially, work hard; don’t be an idiot. That about covers it.

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